Thursday, October 5, 2017

This is a poem about lost conversations

Rest in peace to the conversations we once had
to the twilight word vomits
to the whispers
and pillow talks

Rest in peace
to late night goodnights beyond fortnights
some nights
i just want to call to say hi

I feel the need to apologize
that we have lost conversations
instead of still being lost in conversations
how our words
broke down to a variety of
small talks

Rest in peace to something that never was
but could have been
if only we tried harder
If only we stuck together
made things a little better

I do not mourn
over the reality of lost conversations
how we fell short on words
that could have only gone
so far

But here's
to existential crisis and
how i cried too much for you
in your deepest and darkest in the darkest of midnights
i hope they stay forever in your memory
and that they are your fondest of me

Friday, June 30, 2017

Saturday, June 24, 2017

words and turbulence

I find it hard to say what i mean to people.
My words may
Come in read-between-the-lines bullshit,
And then i sprinkle it with sarcasm.

I have to vomit all my words
Before saying what i have to,
And i dont even think i mean that metaphorically.

I literally feel like im about to vomit,
About to choke out-
I cry
When i have to speak my thoughts
Like some sort of conditioned reflex.

I am
The opposite of the calm sea
That i admire so much;
My mind is in a constant stormy weather,
And my turbulence never got me any nearer to the shore.

I am a sub type of mess
With a bad habit of overthinking,
And i try to clean up after myself.
But as much as i like running away,
I try, i try...

Saturday, May 20, 2017

things i wonder about you

Sometimes i wonder
If i hurt you more than i thought
    Or if you hurt more than i think
If there are things youve never told me
    Or things that you said
But the words never really came out the way you wanted to

Your feelings have always been
     A mystery
     A story
In a book
Where i had to read between the lines
I always had to ask
Always had to reassure

i still wonder
If there are things youve kept bottled up
     And if we will ever get to sit in that couch of yours
     Or our favourite bench in the park
So we can drink up those feelings
We have kept for too long

Friday, January 20, 2017

some day soon,

some day soon, i will live the way i want to live. i will get a tiny apartment in a city full of life- of my own with enough space for myself and a pet or two. i will wake up before the sun rises, and greet myself with a morning tea or coffee.  i will spend many mornings silently watching the light go through my window as it hits different corners of the room.

some day soon, i will spend many of my days creating something. whether that is in a form of a painting, a song or a poem... i will make something to fill my hours when i am not working or worrying despite the fact that my job is something that i love to do. and if i am in need of a dire break from overthinking, i can always bike my way to the nearest coffee shop to get myself a piece of cake and a soy latte to enjoy while reading a book. and on the way home, i will buy myself fresh flowers from the local florist to remind myself of the love that i deserve from myself.

some day soon, i will place those flowers in a lovely vase next to the painting that i will hang on the wall, because i find it very moving no matter how badly it doesn't match with the flowers. the best thing about living on my own is that i can blast the music as loud as i want, and dance and sing at the top of my lungs without worrying that somebody might come inside the room anytime soon and find me unexpectedly naked.

some day soon, i can truly enjoy the warmth of the summer dusk as i sit by the window on a weekend to peoplewatch, wondering what stories they have to tell. i will travel and go to many places and i will meet people, many people; but i will only keep the ones i find interesting or the ones i have a real connection with, people who i can have deep talks with. and this tiny place, this tiny place is my refuge; my sanctuary that i can always come back to.

i keep fantasizing about this life that feels so far away. i am so scared of living an ordinary life, the kind that is dull and lived for the sake of living. but as i grow and find myself better, i am learning not to let the spaces between the is and will be or could be, keep me from taking chances. anyways, the important thing is that i find myself and whoever it is that i find, is someone true.

some day... soon...

Thursday, January 19, 2017

i have always been in love with the idea of the late 70s - 80s; i especially love the neon lights and ambience of it all. looking back at my family's photos from the 80s, i have developed a great admiration for their time, especially of my mother's.

so here, i curated a playlist of songs in appreciation for that era. my favourite is electric indigo by the paper kites, because the feel of the song is just very it's-midnight-and-it-just-rained-so-let's-go-out-for-a-drive-to-the-nearest-diner.

also, the concept of the album is incredibly cute. the album title, "twelvefour", actually comes from the idea that all of the songs in the album were written between 12 midnight and 4 am.

anyways, this is the playlist, and i hope it gives you all the feels as much as it did to me.